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Kako šetati mačku (1)

Kako šetati mačku na povocu? Da li ja to znam i imam li šta preneti? Šta se može predviđati u životu sa mačkama kada su stvorene da izmiču predvidivosti? Šta se može naučiti od mačaka i od ljudi šetajući se ulicama?

Čini mi se da ne postoji univerzalni put u “šetanje mačke na povocu”, i da je prosto stvar specifičnih okolnosti to što se otvorio put da ja (humanoid) šetam mačora. Izbegavaću da govorim “šetam mačora”, a meni nije ni toliko smešno, jer zaista je reč o mačoru - Šušku, mada češće u stvarnom životu kažem “idem da šetam đavola”, što opet nije dobro, nije on đavo, ali kad se šetamo, kao što ćete videti nadam se, to jeste po malo iskušavanje đavola jer toliko toga može da krene naopako. Ipak pod time više mislim na Šuškovu tvrdoglavost i insistiranje kakvo samo mačke mogu da imaju čime nas muče dok ne ostvare cilj. Elem, da skratim, znam da šetam jednu mačku (mačora), a imam dve mačke, od kojih je druga mačka zaista mačka, a nju ne šetam, što je diskriminacija, ali postaće jasnije zašto je to tako negde u nastavku teksta. 

 

Dakle, šta ja pouzdano znam da znam - da šetam ovog ovde mačora koji se upravo sada mota oko stolice gledajući kako će da mi ukrade pažnju i traži već šta mu se traži. Znam da šetam samo jednu mačku (mačora) u specifičnim okolnostima kao što su naš komšiluk, kombinacija naša dva karaktera i možda je zbog tih kockica koje se slažu tako, inače bi sve ovo bio još jedan neuspešan polupokušaj kakvih sam se naslušao od vlasnika mačaka na ulici dok smo se mi šetali.  

 

Motivacija

 

Dakle, najbolje je početi od motivacije za izvođenje mačke napolje. Može biti ključno, jer u mom slučaju sve je počelo od jednog osećanja za koje nisam siguran da je univerzalno u vlasnika mačaka i koje je prapočelo naših šetnji. Šetanje bilo čega što nije pas na ulici jeste češće suludo i opasno, mnogo češće za životinju naravno nego za vlasnika, i može se zamisliti bezbroj razloga protiv šetnje. Ali kao što smo iskusili tokom policijskog časa, živa bića čak i kad to nije neophodno radi pukog preživljavanja imaju u prirodi želju da se kreću. Kretanje može biti samo sebi svrha, ali može svrhu da nađe i usput jer je samo po sebi istraživačkog karaktera. Idemo negde da vidimo nešto a šta je to ne znam, možda baš ništa, dakle idemo da otkrijemo da li negde posto ništa! Svakako je bezbednije ostati kući, čak i za ljude, osim u slučaju: rata, požara, raznih elementarnih nepogoda, dolaska provalnika, itd. A životinje koje nikad nisu izlazile napolje su još više u opasnosti kad izađu, to se podrazumeva, da ne tupim dalje. Ali i zlatni kavez je i dalje kavez a radoznalost može da bude jaka. Curiosity killed the cat? Može biti, ali to isto može da se dogodi i u stanu. Uglavnom, kretati se mora čak i kad kretanje nije očigledno svrsihodno, kretanje je prosto to - kretanje negde, odlazak u nešto novo i neiskušeno, ali dobro za radoznali duh i fizički korisno.  

 

Da smo slučajno na selu ili nekom prigradskom delu, pitanje šetnje bi se rešilo samo. Verovatno ne bi bilo šanse zadržati mačku u kući da ne luta okolo ako bi joj do toga stalo. Za gradske uslove, a naročito ako živite u zgradi na spratu - jedino rešenje je povodac. Ili ako imate neki specijalan lift ili merdevine za mačke, možda vam se posreći da postoji neko drvo kojim može da se spusti sa prozora ili terase, ali ako bi izlazile same ne bi bile bezbedne, i u gradu i u selu postoje rizici svakakvih vrsta. Možda mačku treba pustit da ode? Pa, što da ne, ali da li će moći da se vrati ako poželi? Ne treba međutim da im branimo da šetaju već da omogućimo da budu onoliko slobodne koliko žele. Stan ne bi smeo da bude privatni zoološki vrt jer su oni jedna zaostala antropocentrična tvorevina koju na svu sreću možemo ukinuti bez društvenih potresa. 

 

Eto, to bi bila neka motivacija. A i meni je bilo nekako žao da neko živo biće proživi ceo svoj život u ovih pedesetak kvadrata. Da je sto možda bi bilo bolje, da je dvesta kvadrata pa još da smo im napravili razne stvari na koje mogu da se penju, pa još neke tunele i štekove, možda bi imao drugačiji osećaj. Ali ne, život prolazi negde drugde i mačke imaju pravo na to. Važno je naslutiti i iskoristiti potencijal. Recimo, Šuško bi se često ušunjao u hodnik zgrade kad bi ja odlazio negde i zaključavao stan. Koliko god da sam bio pažljiv da ne izađe u hodnik, čak motrio na prag bez prekida, on bi se magično ipak nekako našao u hodniku. Onda sam počeo da ga puštam u hodnik, da malo proširi svoju teritoriju, da aneksira prozor u hodniku zgrade i izvrši anšlus stepeništa i biljaka u njemu. Ok, nisam mu baš davao da uništava biljke, jer nisu bile naše, ali to oduševljenje sa kojom bi proučavao svaku od njih, mirisao sa dosta neke specifične pažnje, procesuirajući nešto u svojoj glavi, pa do čupanja i grickanja listova (ne to, Šuško!), pa nesrećni slučajevi penjanja na iste. Sve to bilo je dovoljno da ustanovim da Šuško ima živahan istraživački duh koji želi da otkrije šta se krije iza uskog horizonta. Verovatno se isto može reći za večinu mladih mačaka, zato to i jeste najbolje doba za povodac, jer kako stare sve više im znači komfor i udobnost poznatosti, postaju apatičnije i kao da im je najviše stalo da udobno spavaju i dobro jedu, a sve više gunđaju na novo i nepoznato, uostalom, poput ljudi.  



 

O povodcu

 

Tako sam došao do toga da razmišljam o povodcu. Jer svaki povodac ima povod, ha! Na moje iznenađenje saznao sam da ih ima u skoro svakom pet šopu i da nije big deal naći ih u svim veličinama, bojama i materijalima, i za mačke svih ekonomskih klasa. Jedna buržujska mačka može da računa na izdrživi povodac koji nije najlonski, koji sija u mraku i neće se deformisati upotrebom, čiji su metalni delovi bolji, a plastični delovi manje “plastični” i neće se polomiti ako zgazite na njih (dok nije na mački naravno). Ali čak i lumpen-proleterska mačka može da računa sa povodcem koji je u principu dobro služi svrsi. Svi su oni dobri kad se koriste kako treba. Pitanje je ko kupuje te povodce, jer sam za ovih 10 godina šetanja video sam jednu mačku da se šeta i to u veoma kratom periodu (što je učinilo da se zapitam šta se dogodilo sa tom mačkom, da li su se jednostavno smorili ili se dogodilo nešto). Iz razgovora sa mačkarima na ulici sam saznao da dosta ljudi to pokušava i ne uspeva, i zato i pišem ovaj vodič. 

 

Najbitnije je da se koriste povodci koji su pravljeni za mačke jer imaju dva kaiša, jedan za vrat i drugi koji ide iza prednjih nogu. To je jako važno jer vam omogućava da mačku podignete u vis kad zatreba (a trebaće vam sigurno) a da joj ne polomite vrat. Ili, ako se popne na drvo i krene da pada, da se bukvalno ne obesi. Sad, možete da kažete da imam morbidne misli, ali sa mačkom uvek i sve vreme morate biti spremni da može da se dogodi bilo šta. Mačka u panici bukvalno ne zna šta radi, i često će da bi izbegla jednu opasnost uvaliti sebe u drugu još veću. 

 

Takođe je bitno da kaiš bude dobro zategnut, ne sme da visi na mački upravo da bi se izbeglo to da se izvuče iz povoca (posle je treba naći i uhvatiti a to može biti veoma veoma teško). Recimo, ako je labav zadnji kajš, može da se desi i da tokom hodanja slučajno jednu nogu izvuče ispred što će je učiniti nepokretnom i izazvati joj paniku. Dobro zategnut kaiš omogućava i to da možete da je vučete i unapred bez bojazni da ćete strgnuti kaiš sa mačke, što možda biti važno u raznim situacijama. Recimo, ako vidite da dolazi pas, recimo neki pas koji se šeta slobodno, možda nije ulični pas, ali vi to ne znate pošto nema nikog na ulici. Hoćete da pomerite mačku ali ona neće, jer mačka. Nije bitno. E sad, da joj ne bi strgli povodac a pre nego što uopšte uoči psa (bitno je reagovati pre nego što mačka dođe u stanje panike), važno je ako treba i odvući ili podići u vazduh (staviti je na psu nedostupno mesto, sve može poslužiti u tu svrhu - ograda, neki zid, auto, drvo) pre nego što dođe do kobnog susreta. Malo žurim sa ovim, mislio sam to da stavim u odeljak “opasnosti”, ali moram da istaknem značaj dobro nameštenog povodca. 

 

Nikad nisam video da povodac za mačku koji se uvlači i mislim da to znači da proizvođači znaju šta rade. Povodac koji bi se izvačio po potrebi bi samo doneo neprilike, jer mačke mogu na milion načina da se uplatu o bukvalno bilo šta, zato što su veoma pokretljive. Osim toga, za razliku od pasa koji se šetaju u dve dimenzije, mačke se šetaju i vertikalno, dakle z osa je tu, i to već čini stvari složenijim i uvećava opasnost. Povodac ne treba ni da bude duži od jednog metra, manje više, zavisno od visine onog koji šeta. Obavezno je da ima kakvu god ručku, da kažem za svaki slučaj, ali ne verujem da postoje oni koji je nemaju. 

 

Mala digresija, shvatam koliko mnogo puta pominjem reči kao što su oprez, opasnost, itd, što možda da obeshrabri čitatelja od cele rabote šetanja. Naravno, tu sam da upozorim na sve što može da se dogodi i to ću činiti kroz ceo tekst. Na kraju krajeva, vrlo je verovatno da se ništa neće dogoditi, ali moramo da se ponašamo kao da može da se dogodi jer se onda neće ni dogoditi, odnosno manje su šanse da se dogodi. 

 

Kako staviti povodac mački koja ga nikad nije nosila? Nemam pojma. Verovatno će te probati da izguglate rešenje i internet je prepun uputstava kako da se to uradi i tu sve deluje idealno i lako.. Obično se tamo savetuje da se mački stavi kaiš dok je u kući da se malo navikne da ga ima na sebi. Zatim bi probali malo da se krećete sa mačkom po stanu. I onda kad sve to postane za mačku normalno (to sve ne ide u jednom danu već je duži proces) možete da osvajate teritorije van kuće/stana. First we take hodnik, then we take vrata od zgrade. 

 

Mi smo zapeli već na prvom koraku jer je Šuško odbijao povodac a vrlo rado bi grizao moju ruku, što shvatajući to kao igru, što zbog iskonskog odbijanja da se bude vezan bilo čim, što je razumljivo. Dakle, ponekad sva ta uputstva možete da bacite u recycle bin. Mi smo to malo skratili. Šuško je spavao i dok je još bio sanjiv stavio sam mu povodac, valjda nije još kapirao šta se dešava. Onda sam ga podignuo i izneo napolje. Tu se već razbudio ali se nije bunio, bilo mu je zanimljivo što ga nosim negde, kad je bio mali voleo je da se nosi, verovatno je to asocirao sa nekim dobrim stvarima. Ne gubeći vremena brzo sam izašao napolje i otišao do obližnje zgrade gde sam seo na stepenište. Malo je reći da je bio zbunjen, a ja sam bio uplašen šta bi moglo da se dogodi, gledao sam čas u njega, čas okolo očekujući ko zna šta. Njegove oči su upijale sve što se događa ali se plašio da se pomeri. Samo je sedeo polusklupčano i posmatrao ljude i ptice. Posle petnest minuta vratio sam ga kući, tokom ove “šetnje” nije se dogodilo apsolutno ništa. Sutradan smo ponovili to isto, i dan nakon toga, i još nekoliko puta dok se nije uspravio na noge i počeo da hoda.  

 

Da zaključimo. Šta su bili faktori koji su najviše doprineli uspehu izlaska napolje:
1. Moja fiks ideja da mačke moraju moći da izlaze napolje, bolje ikako nego nikako

2. Radoznalost mačke da vidi šta je sa one strane izlaznih vrata

3. Upornost i vreme, sve ovo traaaaaaje dok ne postane normalno i uobičajeno (bilo je trenutaka čak i mnogo kasnije kad sam mislio da treba odustati od svega ovog i da sam budala koja rizikuje Šuškov život zbog fiks ideje)


 

Prvi koraci

 

Negde pre recimo osam ili devet godina, moguće da se dogodio neki ovakav dijalog.

 

Ja: Vidiš Šuško, sad kad te izvodim napolje, verovatno si video neke nove stvari, valjda ti je zanimljivo?
 
Šuško:
 
Ja: Mislim da može da nam bude samo još bolje, imamo u okolini jedan park, pun zelenila, ako odemo u sred dana verovatno će biti prazan, ovi što šetaju pse su na poslu, njihovi psi zapišali su šta su imali jutros, ceo park samo za nas!
 
Šuško:
 
Ja: I zamisli sad svaki dan ovako, a? Možda ćeš upoznati druge mačke, to su ona bića sa kojim si se rodio i jedno takvo biće te je odgajalo do nekog trenutka. Prvih dana kad smo te usvojili hteli smo da te vratimo tom biću, imali smo sumnje da možemo da ti budemo adekvatna zamena. No ti si možda zaboravio kako ta bića izgledaju, to je sad za tebe neka praistorija ali sam siguran da ćeš znati da su tvoji čim ih vidiš, da je to zapisano negde u tvom ROM-u. Znaš ono kad sam puštao Youtube sa nekim mačkama kako si reagovao na zvuk mjaukanja?
 
Šuško: (trepće sporo)
 
Ja: Ali ako krenemo ovako može biti opasno. Tek nedelju dana se šetamo, možda će biti nekih nepredviđenih stvari. Može da bude opasno, a ti to ne razumeš. Ne bi ni ja razumeo. Želim da mislim da ovo radim za tvoje dobro, ali kako da znam šta je tvoje dobro? Samo zato što sam čovek ne treba da polažem pravo da znam šta je dobro za tebe kao mačku, jer ni ljudi ne znaju šta je dobro za njih. Ljudi misle da znaju šta je dobro za njih, ali to se svodi uglavnom na spisak zabluda. U večini slučajeva. Ali ja eto, ja nisam u zabludi, hah. 
 
Šuško: (podiže glavu, odjednom oči mu odaju dubok fokus na nešto… )
 
Ja: Da li bi radije živeo kratak ali uzbudljiv život ili dugačak i dosadan? Da li uopste možemo da napravimo taj izbor svesno i da ga se držimo ili će nas svakako okolnosti baciti na jednu ili drugu stranu bez pitanja šta volimo više? Da li bi mogao da budeš vođa mačije bande? Neka mačija mafija. Ili neka umetnička mačka hodajući po nekoj ivici kao što bi inače mogao da šetaš po ivici neke ograde na terasi kad se ne bi plašio visine. Nekako se suviše plašiš visine za jednu mačku. Da li si se tako izgubio kad smo te našli? Možda ćeš ipak biti nerd mačka, ona debela mačka, pokretni jastuk, hodajuća šubara, što moli za hranu a mi ti je dajemo jer smo zauzeti ili suviše umorni da te zabavljanjo nečim drugim. Mada, šta ja pričam, mislim da moram da prihvatim da je odgovor već tu, živećeš dugo i biće ti interesantan život, ako si već sa nama, to je naša obaveza, koliko je moguće obećati bilo šta što je u našoj moći.
 
Šuško: (odlazi da lovi mušicu)
 
Jogi, mačka iz budućnosti: Mene si šetao samo jednom, htela sam da vidim šta Šuško radi napolju. U zadnje vreme vidim da si sve manje oduševljen mojim odlascima u hodnik kad otvoriš vrata...
 
Ja: U redu, razumem, ali o tome ćemo malo kasnije.
 

           

Poznato je da ni psima nije prirodno kad im se prvi put stavi povodac i da je potreban je period privikavanja. Nisam ni očekivao da će Šuško oduševljeno prihvatiti povodac i da ćemo odmah krenuti da se šetamo okolo kako mu ja kažem. To doduše nisam uspeo ni do dan danas, ali čini mi se da smo uspeli da uspostavimo neku vrstu komunikacije tako da zna kad mi je dosta, i da sa druge strane on može da se vrati kući kad god poželi, recimo, ako mu se ne svidi vreme. 

 

Prve šetnje su išle ovako: stavim mu povodac, nosim ga na neko mesto i onda ostanemo tu neko vreme posle kojeg ga vratim kući. Kao recimo u onaj park koji sam spomenuo gore. To je ispostavilo se nije bila najbolja ideja, jer ne samo što nije blizu toliko našoj zgradi (što može biti važno) nego je opet ušao u svoj kontemplativni mod pošto mu je sredina bila nova, taman kad se navikao na ono stepenište. Osim toga, ipak je bilo i pasa, tako da sam ga pokupio i krenuli smo kući. Već malo uplašen psima, krenuo je da se otima i grebe, postao radražljiv, pa sam morao da ga spustim na pod. U tom trenutku, dok smo bili na ulici, ugledao je mačku. Nekako čudno je mjauknuo i nisam do danas shvatio šta je trebalo da znači, da li se uplašio, iznenadio, nešto treće. Jedva sam ga doneo kući pošto nije hteo da bude nošen, a nije još naučio ni kako da hoda sa povodcem sasvim. Ali videlo se da mu je nivo stresa proključao. Kad smo napokon došli, dahtao je poput psa, malo sam se zabrinuo, izgledao da mu je sve to bilo previše i da je dobio nešto kao napad panike. Smirio se posle nekog vremena, ali sam odlučio da ubuduće ne odlazimo daleko od stana za svaki slučaj. Isto tako preporučujem da budućim šetačima da ne krenu previše ambiciozno sa šetnjama i da uvek razmišljaju kako će se vratiti kući ako nešto krene naopako. 

 

Drugom prilikom je uspeo da se izvuče iz povodca i da se u strahu sakrije ispod parkiranog auta. Bilo je potrebno 20 minuta ubeđivanja i mamljenja hranom da promoli glavu kako bi ga uhvatili. Jednom je isto tako oslobodivši se povodca zbrisao u okolno dvorište zgrade u koje nismo mogli da uđemo, jer je zaključano. A za svoj drugi rođendan se popeo na drvo i nije hteo da siđe jer mu se svidelo tamo. Bilo je ok prvih deset minuta, ali kad ni posle deset minuta nije hteo da siđe, krenuli smo da brinemo. Povodac smo pustili jer smo hteli da mu udovoljimo malo. Na kraju, pošto nismo mogli da se popnemo jedna devojka je ponudila da to učini za nas, pa je uz par ogrebotina to i uspela da uradi, Šuško je doduše pao sa grane, ali kad je već bio negde na bezbednoj visini. 

 

I dok se Šuško navikavao na povodac, ipak je i on bio taj koji je imao inicijativu. Drugim rečima, on je vodio mene a ne ja njega. Za sebe sam samo zadržavao pravo da ga podignem ako mi dozvoli, ili odvučem kući kad zatreba. Posle nekoliko nedelja ne samo da nije odbijao da se šeta već bi tražio u određeno vreme kad ga inače šetam da izađe napolje. Stajao bi pored vrata od stana i mjaukao uporno, tvrdoglavo, ponekad čak i više puta dnevno. I onda bi se nakon šetnje smirio. To su bili naši prvi koraci. U nastavku ću pričati još malo o opasnostima na putu, reakcijama ljudi i drugim mačkama koje srećemo na ulici. 


%&*$#

2021 Year in Review

With the year 2021 already behind us, I... I don't give a damn anymore. No, let's start again.

With the year 2021, the music scene has become... infested with coronavirus? No, I mean yeah, a bunch of them did, but some didn't, I mean yeah you can act stupid and still dodge it. Scratch all of this. I had some spectacular moments in 2021 while going to a few concerts I could go to. They were far fewer than usual but as the year went on corona anxiety wasn't a thing anymore, I imagine we are all now experienced corona soldiers, if a bullet passes your head you are not screaming for your life, it's just a single bullet, and c'mon, it didn't hit you.   

So, again, how was the year 2021 for the unsuspecting dwellers? I remember almost nothing. All I can say is some numbers, March was pretty bad, 8000 cases daily in a country with fewer than 7.000.000 inhabitants. I am not going to review hospitals. I haven't been at one, and I didn't get a coronavirus, not that I know of it. Instead I got vaccinated, not a single one but three shots, right in the arm. I was so excited the first time, I couldn't sleep out of fear I would not wake up on time. And I felt dizzy after the first shot, I am sure it was all psychological, but the excitement, the hope, dreams of things to come, as if you had your first alcoholic drink, all the euphoria was flowing right through my veins as not-yet-peer-reviewed chinese home grown vaccine was hopefully starting to work its way into making me corona proof individual! And then exactly nothing happened, cases were rising, anti vaxxers won the propaganda war and held an upper hand so the immunization was very slow and still stands at less than 60% at the time of this writing. Thus, the first part of the year was a write off. I fell into a depression, I lost all the pleasure in my life, nothing real bothered me anymore. 

Then two things happened. First I got a new job which was very exciting but also demanded much more responsibility and at first I was afraid that I could not make it given my state at the time. Second, I started playing music with other people. Great things for me, but what about concerts? I honestly don't remember, all I know is I basically didn't get out much, except for work, and I really believe there were no concerts at all in the first half of the year 2021, not in Belgrade, not that I know of. 

Ah yes, now I remember. It was summer already. I remember it because I bought my car in June, and I still had to take a taxi to get there. Because you know, I usually take a drink or two, usually over the limit for driving. And I don't mind it, sometimes I shouldn't drive even when I'm sober. I remember seeing Bjesovi and Repetitor at Ciglana. It is in a remote area and I was late, so I had to take a taxi. I am ok with taking a bus, but I was late, and what's the point of missing a concert just so you can save some money - it's the concert you are after, not the money saving thing. It was a pretty strange scene there, bouncers were not friendly at all, and being in a crowd was very strange. Contrary to intuition I started going forward to the stage and found that paradoxically the front was more sparse then the middle of the open space where the concert was taking place. I have nothing much to add. Yes, Bjesovi have some fine musicians, very well rehearsed indeed. But overall the sound sucked and it was even more obvious when Repetitor came on stage. I went again to the same place a few weeks later, that's definitely sometime in July, to listen to Svemirko. Their music is so summer-ish, it just evokes some undefined nostalgia for the times you went somewhere, like a seaside, and felt good and really enjoyed yourself. But I couldn't say the same for the concert. It was overcrowded, bouncers were dicks again, Svemirko did the set with robotic precision and I felt I got less than from just listening to albums. Well, it was okay, but all these details kind of spoiled it for me. 

Then I went blank again, I am not sure what was happening after that, I was on a vacation, I had to work hard and was much busier than normal. All my travels back in my time bring me to a moment when I spotted what I thought was a single lone skinhead in Drugstore. 

But before that I needed to consult the statistics and graph showing the number of corona cases in Serbia, and I remember that after the summer the numbers started to rise again. I think I am not alone in thinking at the moment that it's the right moment to go somewhere, just go to any social event before numbers go really bad. In order to prepare for doomsday I went to the Street Gallery to listen to Katie I believe, and I found her sound better than ever. More complex, but more pop at the same time. And I thought that was it, the clubs already started to close early due to restrictions and it was to remain like this for a foreseeable future. 

Suddenly, I got the ticket for the event I wasn't even planning to attend because it was on a workday, and I already gave up on going to concerts but my friend couldn't come to this concert and gave me the ticket. I thought it was a sign I am meant to be there, and sure it was. To give you some context first, I started to listen to these Russian Doomer playlists on Youtube, it perfectly fits the current mood, it's kind of moody and even gothic, a bit retro and stale in style - so you can't tell if it was made way back in USSR on some shitty improvised recording equipment, or some conscious decision of contemporary band to record so that it sound old, warn out, lo-fi, but it captures the feeling of uneasiness of these times as well. Not only because of corona, but because of the other things that aggravate its consequences, rampant capitalism, social insecurities, and even globally, the feeling that we are tipping over the edge. For me, as a frequent passenger of Pripizdinsk Oblast Express, I could only find myself at home with this sound. 

The event in question is Hali Gali event, or festival, I am not sure, that takes place every now and then, and the lineup is usually local bands or performers, with some exceptions. This time it took place in one of the biggest and most interesting places in Belgrade - Drugstore. That assured that there would be some room to avoid human contact as much as possible. 

On top of all difficulties, it was a workday, so I decided that my stay will be brief, as I would feel awful at work tomorrow if I stay too long. When I came to the gig sv. Pseta (their name is written in cyrillic though) were already playing. Yeah, that was some nice and raw guitar sound, more raw than their recent recordings. Seems like raw guitars, weird melodic hooks are the new default now for bands in Serbia, or Belgrade, or whatever. But nothing could have prepared me for Shortparis. I've seen the video that Youtube graciously recommended for "Strashno" - and it was a weird combination of both pop and weird electronic sound, choreography and political message. But I don’t think anything would have prepared me for what was to come.

Remember that skinhead I mentioned earlier? Well it came to me that he’s not the skinhead. It was Shortparis singer in a long black coat and black boots. He was watching sv. Pseta. How nice that you mingle with the audience and watch the other much less famous local acts! 

There’s something wild, tribal like, and yet at the same time technically perfect and perfectly tidy with Shortparis sound. First, just take a look, they have a guy on the stage and all he does is slam the snare in front of him in a very theatrical way. He is always doing some kind choreography, and in some way it reminds of a berserk version of snare hitters from Leibach video Geburt einer Nation, only this time it goes more in Warhol's Velvet Underground stage dancers way. The sound is cold on first listen, electronic glitches, pronounced percussions, guitar that is minimalistic and serves as a haunted intermezzo during somatic sound illusions. Then, the said singer. The slim, ascetic appearance, and yet a bit decadent, with all the jewelry, something of a contrast. Both he and the band act like possessed people. And I don’t remember any of the songs, especially after the time has passed since, but it all melted into some weird futuristic, neo-paganistic, and yet cyber mesh of dance, lights, drum strokes and whatnot, a really enjoyable phantasmagoria. The highlight of the evening was when the singer went off stage and climbed the bar, hanging himself by this wide neon light, in Jesus Christ pose.

Phew! If that was the only concert in 2021 I would still feel satisfied. Yet, there were a few more gigs I went to here and there, mostly taking place in squat-like building, occupied by artists called Kvaka 22 (Catch 22 - yes, you guessed it), DIY to the max. Let’s name a few: Ivica - after my past review I have not much more to add, his clearly moving in more electronic direction (and stylistically more towards some kind of blended genre I cannot define, with bits of soul maybe, trap beats, I am not sure) but with new/old guitarist to accompany him on stage it counterbalances that and brings more live feel, although heavily processed with pedals. The second concert I went to recently was Tús Nua, a croatian shoegaze or post-rock or ambiental pop noise - definition again eludes me, and I hate to be stuck with them anyway. It was a pleasant concert, they are serious with what they do and they stick with it - perhaps too much, a little bit of stepping out of the self imposed boundaries could yield more it seems to me. To note, a big plus for Kvaka 22 is that they actually require a green pass to enter, at least somebody cares!

I forgot about the INDIREKT festival. The festival was a nice mix of old and new, and included regional bands as well. I went only to the last day, primarily to check 21. vek and Lenhart Tapes (with Orchestra). I regret missing out on the previous two nights, which had good moments so I heard.. To keep it short, I watched 21 vek just a couple of weeks earlier in Skoplje, where everythings was more or less the same, except they are well established there, but it didn’t prevent some nice interactions with the audience in Belgrade as well. The singer Vasko didn’t care to keep on the stage with fellow members so he spent most of the time in the audience, drinking, hugging, kissing, I am not sure what all the things happened there. As the concert progressed his speeches and funny stories between the songs were getting longer, he should consider a career in stand up perhaps? Lenhard Tapes is exactly what you would expect, his tapes sounding like the usual mix of everything put on tape in the Middle East, and every bizzare thing you can imagine to come out of the tape, plus a band, which sounds… like a real band playing their own stuff, which creates a sort of opposition to tape master, and plus there is a female singer to steal the spotlight. I listened to two more younger bands that night (Cactus Fields, Gazorpazorp), oh and Presing as well, which seemed to have some issues with sound, so it was a scrape. I didn’t like the strange way the festival was organized, all the shuffling between three halls, with the cinema hall being absurdly big for this kind of event, chairs included. 


And this concludes the year 2021 in a review. Not enough concerts! Not enough festivals abroad! But I am looking to change that if everything goes accordingly this year. You should know about OFF Festival if you don’t by now, the always exciting line up for much less than what you would pay normally elsewhere. And we are expecting to see Pixies and A Place to Bury Strangers here in Belgrade. I hope I will write proper reviews. This yearly kind of thing is annoying, so much stuff to cover even in the year like 2021 when half the year was just scrapped and the other half wasn’t close to normal either. 


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Review: One they bands in my neighborhood

That is a singular they, to be sure. But they run in plural as well and I try to write about it in a systematic and boring way

Hello again after a long break. If you remember the previous time, you get the idea of what I am trying to do here, even if I am maybe not fully aware myself yet and still solitary in this mission (but I am looking to change that). Still, I am not the only one solitary here if that’s any comfort, because so are many bands, namely, one man bands, people doing it on their own. OK, “doing it on their own” could be misleading. Nobody does all on their own because it is too much,  so either at least someone else has to produce music, and someone else can direct a video, so it’s not likely that a single person has so many talents. But on the stage they are alone, there is no rhythm section to fall back to, no keyboardist or guitarist to cover up when shit happens, just a mercialles automated sounds which are coming whether you like it or not. They certainly won’t be waiting for you if you miss your part or get lost in the song. 

I admit, I was one of them one man bands. You see, my name was Ex>Misha if you don’t know me by now. I went so far that I even organized a festival of ona man bands (though some notably had two members but were still considered as single person entity). Pardon me for this long introduction, or diversion you may call it, it so much easier to speak about yourself than about the others so I am just relieving some anxiety here. Of course, I am a mess, so I do tend to fool around.  

Back when I was way more active (read: till 2015) I used to do some shows with Ivica, that’s how I  got to know him. In the crazy old days Ivica went from acoustic to electric sound, and performed with or without additional synth or electric guitar. Development of Ivica was an interesting thing to follow as it was not linear, and this is nonlinear blog so I am obliged to write about it. Some people define their sound and stick to it, not Ivica. But it's wrong to say that he is without continuity, as throughout his carrer his songs usually were mellow and intimate, with short and simple, direct lyrics, frequently in the form of addressing somebody, and singing on the edge of whispering, to put it simply - intimate. But I am sure you cannot easily frame Ivica, as he is constantly evolving even if sensibility stays the same. The new album, 1235 sounds a bit more heavily produced and heading towards more electronic sound which is an interesting development. 

Let me take a break and say that both concerts I am going to write about took place in Knap club. Tidy and small place, but if I have to be ironic, it is a perfect fit for such a small and fragmented scene without center. I am not missing the center, but we are here and there on our own. 

Thus, the club was not that crowded, and seems like having a publisher, videos and media appearance do not guarantee that people would come. And this was Ivica’s first concert in Belgrade after the album was released as a headliner, actually one and only act for the night. 

When the concert started I wasn’t actually able to tell as long instrumental followed. I think I was a tiny bit late but Ivica certainly still wasn’t on the stage, but music went on. But what followed showed than Ivica that live sound can cope with newly found complexity as now his sound is more layered I would say. It has a bunch of sounds, and it’s all reverby, has delay effects too, and is all wrapped up like some dreamy soundscape, almost ambiental. However, lyrics are sometimes too quiet to be heard, but that’s not a big issue, you can feel the vibe before you understand it, but throughout the show there was no significant change in dynamics even when old songs were played. However, this newly built sound opens new perspectives, and you can see how mesmerized and taken by it is Ivica when he performs. 

As if he is a galley navigating the ocean, with guitar lika a ship bos managing the waves, going up and down, swinging. The ocean if I am not mistaken is frequent theme in Ivica's poetry, I am trying to make sense of it but I would have to sit down and be calm individual. Having a focus is not my thing, I just rush through everything. But I know it's persistent theme, and there is a longer story there my dear Watson. But i beleive we are not talking about shipwrecking ocean, but more like something as a state of being something, something relatively stable, immersing, that swallows, but may be both a sanctuary and a trap. I am not sure and I am drinking at that moment, a let my brain wonder for a change. A let my self wonder after it, on the street, and then at home, with some more Kozel. 

This weekend another concert took place at the Knap, two one man bands/one woman bands, or one man band and one woman band. Playing with words is not funny. I am not trying to be funny, I just want to be correct. Anyway, welcome from Croatia - ŠećeЯ and VOΛDO! 

It is a good opportunity to compare these acts together, as in how many possibilities one person band offers. ŠećeЯ is Tena Rak, former drummer of Vlast Popić, legendary three piece, playing energetic and raw music but not without a sense for good melody. Did I get it right? I am not sure, the definition is too generic. How many energetic and raw three member bands are there? Exactly. But ŠećeЯ is a departure from that sound going into more electronic pop territory. There are samples, guitar, loops, vocal harmonies. VOΛDO, on the other hand, is more “live”, in the sense that he creates his sounds using looper right there on the stage, making his beat and melody, gradually adding more details to the song, so we can witness it being compiled and put together. 

I was surprised to see how empty the club was even when the concert started. Of those who came, many of them were members of the scene, friends of the bends, likely from tours or whatever. So it’s even harder for Croatian bands to fill up the club then it is for homegrown ones. Maybe sudden weather changes made them feel tired so they stayed home. Who knows, not me, I never lost Saturday night!

Standing on the verges of a very wide half circle that audience formed around the stage, with r = 3m, I was too shy to go forward. Man, this intimacy is stinging me. But what I saw was similar to a street musician performance. VOΛDO seems to be skilled in what he does. We learned from him that he started playing solo one month ago. Member of From Another Mother, a frantic and energetic band, what he does solo is a way more tame. Indie folk or what you may call it, nonetheless, it sounds like something right from the USA, and it’s sung in English. Maybe too sweet for my taste, but commercial potential is there, you can sing along to choruses and stuff. What he plays stills sounds full and reach, he certainly won’t complain about the lack of people with him in the band! Like I said, he is skillful but in a way that street musicians are when they fascinate with some tricks, but unlike them this guy has his own songs. And he sounds organic as the all sounds he creates I think come just from his tiny little guitar and a pedal (which makes his appearance even more remarkable). 

Best movie role for VOΛDO? Street musician on the streets of Barcelone. It's always sunny, everybody loves him, then there's a twist, a break in harmony, but still happy end awaits, and love remains triumphant. The music ma be too american for that kind of movie, but we can imagine differently. 

Next we had a lengthy pause in order for some particular people to come to the concert. I know because we were told by ŠećeЯ. No, I don’t know which people. But we’ve been briefed in the meantime by some girl from a certain organisation about February 29th, that is, Rare Disease Day, because it’s every four years, you get that. 

Damn the day when I decided this is going to be a single review. I already wrote too much and still have to write. Do you know that it’s harder for me to shorten existing text than to write shorter text from the beginning? But time is critical and I have only one go at this.

To be honest I haven’t been following much of what is going on with ŠećeЯ. I would hear that there is a gig here and there in Belgrade but never went to any. Looking for things to see over the weekend I played a few tunes to convince me to go. 

Music is a bit minimal, and certainly is better suited for smaller crowds. I like the interplay of simple beats and keyboard melodies, sampled guitar cutouts, and echoed vocals. It’s all cleverly put together, gradually kicking in till it resolves in a spectacular way. Mood is something between mellow and melodic to the kind of darker and more psychedelic tunes (in a PJ Harvey way? No, that could be a misleading reference). Minimalist approach here is somehow inviting to the listener, it does not grab you immediately but instead it keeps distance and lets you gradually be absorbed by it. As a performer Tena is very relaxed, and frequently gets off the stage to join the audience. Much of the performance is hands free, so she can concentrate on singing which is another great quality. The set didn’t last long as she only has one full release and several singles, but the songs themselves are not long too. 

Full of impressions I hit the streets, buying 150g Smoki at the kiosk. It’s still a weekend. But before that I expected to see a vintage american car which was parked near the Knap the previous Saturday. I couldn’t find it this time. I wanted to take a proper photo of it this time. 

References:

https://ivica.bandcamp.com/

 


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Review: what is not seen cannot be seen even on Youtube - postcard from Pripizdinsk oblast express

I was the absent audience member on several concerts. Not that it mattered much, because every interchange has an exit to Pripizdinsk and so I followed

Is a very good blog. Is in english - English not best always. But can understand mostly by anyone, yes. Face it and read on. Another thing problematic - has not been on concerts intending to write about. Not a problem, I did it once, I could do it again, faithfully. I can say everything I know about the concert I've not been to, and now I know at least some. See, I wanted to start this blog of mine with a bang, but bang was infinitiely delayed, as well as any other creative ideas I had or still have. Not going to happen as I intended, but I will rumble in the mud as long as I have to to let out what I can. 

See, a year ago I started changing jobs. Not that it matters for this occasion directly. But I changed four jobs in the meantime because all of them felt inadequate for me. Yes, this job lacked good coffee machine, and this one lacked good company to talk about music, and this one job was too repetitive, not up to my taste, and that one had too much bad history, and that one had too much gossiping around about other coleagues, one even had toilet remotely but did not allow for remote work. In the end, after my final attempt to satisfy my thirst for knowledge and self improvement I landed in Pripizdinsk oblast only to find out much of the stuff I already had in my previous jobs. So, that's it, the problem is me. Very bad thing is that all these positions forced me to be what I am not, the worker, which I never felt like. Things are rarely creative in life, that's only left to bourgeoisie with too much time on their hands. When you need to take express to Pripizdinsk you know that you are not one of them. You are true to life, confined to real life conditions human vessel for pain, nausiences, and boredom. 

Why was that important to say right now? Well, I had someone close die recently, I had to go to the funeral from my workplace and then back. Remote graveyard had strong winds blow and I got some nasty cold, feeling pretty much like zombie for the rest of the week, Exhausted mentally and phisically. 

Friday came and I was optimistic to come on either if not both concerts. Oh, which two concerts you ask. Of course, I failed to mention. First one is Klotljudi and Nike Eyes in Klot club, a new place which has tons of events in order to get to the map as soon as possible, and I think it already did. Second one is Yva and the Toy George, one girl band from Rome, which I already seen a couple of times, but somehow recently, and particularly since it changed her style a bit, I couldn't make to her shows here, which are too few anyway. So, when I learned there will be these two concerts on the same night, I was both excited and worried. Little I have known that I will not make to either of them. 

Come Friday I wash finishing some work which could take me as far as ... I cannot tell, let it remain secret, but there was something demanding I had to work on and to which I focused all of my energy. Deadline was a midnight of the very same day. I hoped I could finish to see Klotljudi first. Because who wouldn't. They are as close to The Fall, beside Klopka za pionira, that ever existed in Serbia (not counting Celik Promet here, I think they are too far to fit into "The Fall like" criteria). I like the singer, he has attitude, the music is loose, but rocking, and I don't know, unlike many other young bands here they do not put all their cards into pure energy (similar like during the '90's it was all about funk, rhythm, reggae at the same time almost for some). Anyhow, wouldn't that be a good beginning of the night. But during their concert I was walking my cat on a lead. OK, maybe I should I have prepared you for this, maybe it's too much information, but fact is I have a cat, he want's too walk around and see stuff, but I live in a building, I cannot just let him out like that, therefore I use the lead. If I don't do it he does nasty things. It deserves a story of it's own. Still I had a time to make it around 11 pm, but I was losing too much time. Oh, I had no bath! Damn, what we gonna do about this. But I feel so sick I like just lying down in my bed and watch random stuff over the internets! As if Nike Eyes hadn't took over already with their electronic grooves. I don't know yet what to make of them, even after seeing them live. Girl sings and guy plays music using machines. Sounds familiar? But it does not say a lot of music still. I found them bit on a dancing side and kind of claustrophobic in a good way I guess. 

I sent SMS to my friend for whom I assumed was in Kvaka 22 where Yva and the Toy George is going to play. I needed an encouragement, I needed an information. My plan was too quickly get my self ready and jump in when the concert starts and leave home after it ends. However, the answer never came, but I learned from him tomorrow that concert was excellent. I remember Yva from earlier versions, and it was still hard to pinpoint with less than a full sencence. Electro-clash, no, yes? Retro, a bit. Dancing, maybe. Somewhat ironic, check. Arty, check. However, lately it joined the wagon of music artists taking inspiration from folk music, turbo-folk if you will, and generally music phenomenon tied to a lesser culture of the uneducated classes. With leftists the idea went upside down where now you should now feel guilty for not endorsing it. Sure I like some oriental melodies, I am little bit fed up with rock, pop music or whatever it is, I need something new. But I do not wear my taste like some kind of achievement badge. Like, "hey, I am listener without prejudices level 21"!  Anyway, this has not so much to do with Yva, it is not her defining moment, as there is a lot of fun mixing of all stuff around the globe done and executed in a punkish way which I like a lot. Rather masterfully, as in song Rat (see references in the end of the text) where there is obvious global political message. But can I say more in a review of a concert I haven't been to. No, I can't. (Knope we can!). 

Actually since I was so polite to my body that I remained at home, it's hard to explain myself what do I want, why do I write, what does these words carry?

A: It carries what you have to say, you are writing it to let it out, no one is going to read it anyway.

B: It is important because everybody should know you, you are so witty writer, a word meister... I am not. I actively sabotage myself, because:

    B1: I want to be funny.

    B2: Ego attack. I think I have super powers

C: I need a reason to finish this website in order to do other stuff with it. So many experiments await! So many tries to be tried. 

This is true:

So many failures to try. Failure is a collision and it brings us closer to what's real. What is real? I am not a workhorse is one thing. I piss on it in rainbow colors. 

PS Apologies to all artists mentioned for my inability to say a little more. It can only get better. 

References:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOlcMUnFFBM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7weo8f1bHM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5qAFk4gWMc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNHkBWAs4So


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Latest news

What can anxiety do for you?

Do not ask what can you do for your anxiety, but instead ask yourself what anxiety can do for you. It can get you slimmer, it can make you hyper aware, it can reveal absolute limits within which you can still barely function. All in all, it's one huge act of self discovery! You charge blindly and unwillingly where your mutined chemistry leads, agitating your body and spirit to the very essence. One can only accept it, waiting for it to end, or can charge ahead against the wave. The more you fight it, the harder it becomes. Sometimes you create trouble in the outside world just to match disorder in your head. It all must be hectic, unpredictable, make it or break it. Anxiety is not punk rock, because it asks for safety, reassurances, where you can't find any. It's against the principles of DIY as well, because imprefection is not to be tolerated. You think everything hangs by a thread, but rarely we see the thread and can do something about it. It's anti-life as a human existence. Therefore, we must embrace it to climb back to reality, to accept life as it is, make is as you go exercise, getting across the river by jumping from rock to rock. We rebel against the life, we do not accept the terms, because they are not fair and do not work in our favor, we can build fortresses of security, only for them to be razed sooner or later. We leave at peace from time to time, untill it rocks us. Well, we can screw it by making choices, it can work for us if we do things despite. Hitting against the wave it is. The more choices we make, the more we will retrieve some sense of control. Just saying, we can determine ourselves, so even if it scrathes us, we do not lose touch with reality.  

Seize the means of distribution

Brothers and sisters. Fellow music makers. All of you that are sitting in your homes with headphones on producing your next song. As you are probably aware, we have seised the means of production. Lesser than ever before, we depend upon expensive studios to make and record our music. Music making equipment is getting affordable now, and you can make a decent song on an absurdly cheap equipment - not to mention that the audience has become more receptive to lo-fi sound. But there's one thing we are lacking - the means of distribution. 

To publish your music online, most likely you will use places like Bandcamp. But their player sucks, it poorly supports embedding to social networks, and most importantly, much less than ever people are downloading music to listen it from their devices. Now it's all about streaming. I usually listen to music from Youtube these days. Unfortunately, everything now is a service. 

But most services and if not all are private, use untransparent alghorithms, feed you commercials, there we need our own service. But that costs money and you need people. The desire for an independant service could lead eventually to another private and untransparent service.  

Driving is a social event

I talked too much about music lately, and although I have a new album and it's New Year (Happy New Year everyone - that's settled) for a long time the topic of driving was eluding the posts here. Finally, I have to look upon what is now a significant part of my life, having influenced me in many different ways. It could take a couple of pages to do that so I'm just going to write about a single specific aspect of it, and it's already in the title. Yeah, driving a car is a social event. 

You may struggle with driving technique, or traffic rules, and it makes you discouraged, and you may think you will never get better, but only if you could perfectly control the car then anxiety will wear off? Or you may think you will die in a crash or whatever, but in the end, it's the social aspect of driving behind all these fears. The moment you enter the street in your car you are connected with random people either driving other cars, or pedestrians, or (oh, these suicidal guys) cyclists. You enter and find yourself with others of whom you know nothing, you may not even know if they want to move forward, or left, or right, or reverse, or just stay in place. You try to read the situation, look for clues, maybe stare into the rearview mirror to check the driver behind, do some basic profiling and wonder if this guy is going to be pissed if you don't start moving quick enough when the light goes green. How will she/he react when you hit him if you are on a hill trying to climb and you fuck up the clutch? What will random pedestrian do standing there on the island between lanes, is he suicidal, waiting to jump in front of your car as you are passing, or some drunk which will blissfully take a bold step in front of your car? What if any kind of shit happens and the other party is a bit insane and has a baseball bat, a gun? What if someone gets so angry at you for your random mistake and tries to get you out of your car by force? 

I would not self diagnose myself as someone who has social phobia, and I can manage almost all social situations. I am old and experienced and so I don't get impulsive. Usually I am very patient. I can tolerate someone stealing my place in the long queue while waiting for a less generous green light. But I used to live a life in which I could choose people I meet, places I go, and of course as a pedestrian I meet all the random people as well - but I am a pedestrian with 44 years of experience, I can read the situations and I think I am very good at that. But as I drive all of this is taken away from me, and I am driving blind in a way. 

 

Lost in Music

Where do I start? Where do I go? I am swallowed by the music. Will it spit me out at any moment? I don't think so, it isn't likely to happen, the machine has picked up a speed and momentum is too strong. It is to be determined if the machine is actually moving inside a vacuum, so it will just pick up more and more speed, or does it move inside some substance, gas like or otherwise, which will gradually slow it down. It must be the former, things always stop, but it does not seem that likely for the foreseeable future.

Playing in no less than two bands, just a year after when I started to think that band activities are definitely part of the past and that in my age it must be over with these things. That alone gave me one final push to finally release my first proper solo album in nine years. I have a video announcing the release here. Aaand, I have yet another video inspired by the drawing made by my Celik Promet comrade, Midzi, it's here. It's the closest you will get to new music by Celik Promet these days. But we must do with what we have. 

Finally, I was about to sit down and write a music review of a recent concert. I never meant this to be a blog about my music activities. But it's midnight already on a workday and I must postpone it, as I do with a bunch of other things.

Burn the Flag Day

You will know when the time comes. Get your flag and just burn it. Burn it already. Sometimes true appreciation can only come out of disrespect. Love for our great flag is now taught in schools for generations, younger generations will not know any other way of being. They are already blinded by this kind of plastic love which creates its own unreal subject, and yet it is completely swallowed by it, not finding any way out of the rat maze, and sticking to it stubbornly even when there is nobody around to challenge it. 

On another note, a friend is not truly a friend without some distancing. You may not like your friend, but it's useful to despise what you don't like about them for their own sake and for the sake of friendship. Do not create a bad symbiosis, apathetic peace, getting along where everything is understood and unspoken, don't miss great opportunities for friction! This is when important things happen, this is a unique human touch. Being with, but not just being. You can give up on a friend and that's fine. Just don't let the emptiness reside between. 

You can give up on a country or a friend. But the myth of a country or a nation may haunt you much more via its representatives, symbiotic subjects, narcissist community, incestuous libido promoters, and since we are all aready deep in disenlightenment - it’s turbo powered priests, riding among sick and poor behind bullet proof glass, and still preaching the same story not of heaven on earth, but of glorious past that is now lost - but if we all try enough, we may enjoy the same glory again, although that supposes that some people will be very rich, and most will only have their flag to wave and use it as a toilet paper when they find none. 

Mood Wipers

I'm on mood wipers right now. Also, I listen to The Wipers these days (I also listen to Lil Peep a lot, but let's keep that story for another time). Looking for information on the band, not any particular information, just any information, because as the band that was active decades ago it's expected that information slowly drifts towards oblivion, I found that the frontman Greg Sage had "original goal was to release 15 records in ten years, free of traditional band aspects like touring and photo shoots". And somehow immediately I thought, ok so release 15 albums and retire from music, right? On second thought, it seems it's not what he wanted to say, it was just the first ten year plan, bolshevik punk planned economy style of thinking. And really, making music is what is the essence of being an author as a musician, not touring, doing interviews, etc.

But it would make sense to retire after 15 albums, after all, for many authors doing more than a couple is just an extra, uncalled for, and doesn't serve any other purpose than helping author's income, if there is some income to be made at all. I understand the ambition, because locking yourself into a studio just to make albums, sounds like a lot of fun. Many things to try and plenty of time to make music, something that rare musicians can afford. 

I don't know what he meant, maybe it was taken out of context, or not literally. But this is a nonliteral place that you are visiting now and I want to tell you that in the coming weeks my next album will be released. Like, it will be soooo released!

Dream recurring

Back when I was a small kid, maybe 4 or 5 years old, I don't remember exactly, but I do remember this. Every Saturday to Sunday night I had one same dream that I was always convinced that I would have that dream again next Saturday. I was much better connected to my dreams when I was little, ludic dreaming was happening quite often and I had the ability to wake up if the dream was too boring or unpleasant. I had my own technique for waking up, like falling from a great height. Of course, you could ask but how did you know it wasn't a dream and that you would end up dead? Well, I told you, it was a lucid dream with perfect awareness that I am in a dream, there was an intuitive feeling just as you are aware that you are awake. Anyway, let's leave that discussion for later. That same dream I had was about me walking down all alone in an empty socialist era one floor shopping centre. Well, not exactly a shopping center you might think of, but just a simple brutalist wide building with some shops, post office, cinema, and a supermarket. Every time, the scenery was the same, same weather, it was sunny with some clouds, and I was walking around building and plants around it, fooling around concrete structures laying around. And that was it. That was my safe place. Not that I had any troubles in real life back, and I think my early childhood was very happy, but I still felt the need to go there and be alone. Which is maybe a scary part, but then who wouldn't want to be left alone from time to time, not because of some relation problems, but positively and productively.

Tour de Misha

Oh my dear friends, it's been a while! That doesn't mean I wasn't doing anything. Quite the opposite, making the album took a lot of time and work was hard, still I am close to finishing it. There were few Digital Prayer exibitions in the meantime, and when I could I did small incremental updates to this site but had very little time to put in any content. I hope this is going to change, but I have many plans in the pipeline so I could easily get overwhelmed again, need to be careful there! 

At least in these Corona times, staying and home and working on things seems like an only option for some fun. I should also revamp Ex>Misha site, but just thinking about going through it again scares me a bit. I will try to start small and gradually build it, if I ever start that is. 

Obviously no concert reviews or real life stories to write about, and I try to stay away from venting political anger because it is futile anyway. We do that on social networks anyway. Instead, let's do something constructive. But hey in this hypnotically boring lockdown life I can only think of writing about how I like to play Train Simulator or take my cat out on a leash. One other thing I am likely to write is to explain my lo-fi style why I stick to it in music and where I think it will get me. All in due time.

Album has to be finished this week, and then I have to wait for cover art which hopefully I am not going to do myself this time. Outsourcing is a great option now when the time is tight. A month ago I thought that was it, then I went on remixing spree. Last week a great new idea came up for a song. I loved it so much that I am postponing a release just finish it and include on the album. That's it for now, hope I will get back to writing before I get overwhelmed with other ideas.

Out of the quarantine, into the void

When you’re out of the quarantine only to find out that quarantine is a multilayered thing, it does not apply to staying at home only, as you go out you will find many other limitations that are not so obvious. But they are there, it's not only limits imposed by the situation, but also ones that are internal, self imposed. Therefore, the world is still a bit lifeless, colorless, call it what you want. It's still a great looking cookie, but it has no taste at all. You can watch it, but you cannot enjoy it. Thus, I would rather go back inside than see the outside in this sorry state. Alas, not everybody agrees, but I just can't get into that mindset. 

And at home, I have created a void. Hopefully that will end soon. Just had too much frustration with writing lyrics for my songs. I am hardly satisfied with the lyrics I've written so far, but I am even less satisfied with vocal tracks for my new album. But I guess dissatisfaction is a part of the process. I would pretend that I am in no hurry, although I am very much because I want this done so I can move to new adventures, and I don't want to see anything unfinished, especially if I think it is good overall, otherwise, I wouldn't bother. 

 

Happy May Day, mayday, we are going down

Another retroactively published post. MayDay it is. May Day it was. 

I posted some lyrics, I mean poems that are actually lyrics for my next album. So now you know I haven't given up on my new album, I haven't even given up on this website as you can see. Back to the poems, silly me, I wasn't aware about encoding issues so now you have garbled text which you will see if you visit website now. But it's funny, because by the time you read this post that issue will be fixed. I wanted to post more stuff but somehow my other poems got lost in the cloud. I guess the cloud rained down, and now I need to check my computers because my poems are scattered all over the place!

Focusing on work does help to deal with this a situation, which still feels like a timeless limbo on endless repeat. The real issue is that my life is completely the same, except that I still work, and yes I have work and I can work from home which somehow isn't consoling at all, and I, like many others, wonder about everything... Not the perfect creative atmosphere mind you. But new songs are my focus, and my focus is unofocused, and it's like a radio station from a far away, so sometimes you get a good signal, sometimes you don't. But ultimately, nobody's expecting creative burst from anyone, let alone myself, so I am just a drama queen, my own evil master, but still a master, huh.